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Dec. 11th, 2006 | 06:52 am
posted by: maybeimamazed in heroin_support

I've been clean for six weeks and a few days. I'm not on methadone or suboxone or anything like that. I don't know how I managed to get through this far without shooting myself. I have highs and lows, but mostly lows, and the highs are usually somewhat odd and bear benchmarks of neurosis... and since my addiction began with pain meds for a legitimate pain issue, I'm struggling with the question of whether I should try and learn to deal with the pain naturally or try and learn to pace myself. A big part of the issue is that i am broke. I support myself most of the time, and feel very strange receiving help from others, since I haven't slept but 1-3 hours every 2-3 days for the past 6 weeks- i can't function. I'm seriously depressed, having major anxiety most of the time, and this was a heavy, long-lived habit that I'm leaving behind. I could really use some words of advice from someone who has been here. I still feel so awful. I need to be there for my partner who will be in a far away city, lonely and kicking, as I have been from him. We need to stay clear of one another until we're both purged of the demons... HELP

i've kicked many times before and this is the longest i've been clean since the first time i kicked. i still can't sleep, i sweat through my clothes, my legs cramp up constantly- it isn't nearly as bad as the horrible withdrawal symptoms in the beginning. but its more than i can stand. i feel desperate, and if i don't figure out some way to get through this i will use again. i don't want to go back to that, but this is even worse. i'm broke and going to starve if i don't get my shit together, but i feel totally useless right now.

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Comments {3}



from: smooow
date: Dec. 16th, 2006 02:28 pm (UTC)

It sounds like you are going through compleate hell. I know how you are feeling and there is nothing like it in this world of pain. The crap in your legs is created through latic acid buzzing round your legs. when this kicks in drink water, and lots of it it helps flush this acid out of your system... i have laid on a couch many a time with the sweats and legs hearting. and water realy did help.

sleep is allways a problem with getting clean, one of the things i used to do was go out on my bike in the middle of the night and just cycle anywere or go for a realy long walk to try and tire my body out so that i could sleep. this did help but not all the time. Breathing helps slowing down the breath helps the heart to low down. try breathing in for the count of 1-2-3 then hold for 1-2-3 then breath out for 1-2-3 and keep at this till you feel more relaxed.

this is hard to get into when you are feeling anxiety, but just keep trying, being without money doesnt help matters i know as im realy realy poor at the moment.

trying to find pain realif for your pains is hard without takikng medication, one of the thinks that realy helped me through my pain was Reiki healing as this can realy deal with the pain issues and its non a dictive and helps you kick in your own natural pain relief...

It also helps you build yourself up to deal with what you are going through, if you want to find out more about it i can give you some links to peoiple that can send heling to you were ever you are, i can even send it to you myself if you would like. sometimes lookikng for help in places you dont know you can realy find answers to what you are going through.

One thing you must remember, it will get better and go away with time, if you can just hold on and keep at it it will be realy worth wile doint that, alos i found posting here when i was unable to sleep or in pain takes your mind of what you are going through. if you need to talk anytime i will allways listen and offer any help i can.

Try and stay focused and get through this dark time, you will feel better for it. i have my last kick to go through myself and expect some lseepless nights and the cramps again, im not lookikng forwared to it but i know it has to be done..

Keep at it and good luck :)

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Le Femme Invisible

Re: Help

from: maybeimamazed
date: Dec. 16th, 2006 09:33 pm (UTC)

thank you so much for that...

i've got two things on my side

1- i was a buddhist and (deep down i still am, i just need to let things be) 2- i was a med student before i became a junky- and even though everything you said should be inside my head somewhere, dopesickness makes it hard to retrieve the helpful information. i'm still clean. my doctor thinks i should be on pain meds, so i am on a low-ish dose (compared to my monster dope habit) of usual pain medication now- i have no desire to do h really, i've been sleeping, meditating and the pains are manageable. i think posting in this community will be helpful. again, thank you so much for answering. its helpful to know there are people out there, and for me going to narcotics anonymous meetings only helps me to find dope and start smoking cigarettes again. i quit cigarettes recently too, and have to take a drug test for the job im hoping to get and can't smoke weed right now either. i've never had a problem with stopping any other drug aside from h. for myself, simply not using needles and h counts as clean. even if i thought it were a practical step to self improvement, i don't think stopping everything at once is a good way about it.

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from: in_psychedelia_
date: Jun. 1st, 2009 03:41 am (UTC)

If I didn't have subutex I could never do what you are doing so I definitly give you props and I was only clean for a year without subutex and I got through it because I was in prison and was on paxil which helped with anxiety. but Subutex definitly is keeping me sane and without cravings, its an amazing drug and if you can get on it, i can definitly see it taking away all of these issues. Its my cure-all. helps with depression/anxiety/cravings and makes life worth living.

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