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Dec. 11th, 2006 | 06:52 am
posted by: maybeimamazed in heroin_support

I've been clean for six weeks and a few days. I'm not on methadone or suboxone or anything like that. I don't know how I managed to get through this far without shooting myself. I have highs and lows, but mostly lows, and the highs are usually somewhat odd and bear benchmarks of neurosis... and since my addiction began with pain meds for a legitimate pain issue, I'm struggling with the question of whether I should try and learn to deal with the pain naturally or try and learn to pace myself. A big part of the issue is that i am broke. I support myself most of the time, and feel very strange receiving help from others, since I haven't slept but 1-3 hours every 2-3 days for the past 6 weeks- i can't function. I'm seriously depressed, having major anxiety most of the time, and this was a heavy, long-lived habit that I'm leaving behind. I could really use some words of advice from someone who has been here. I still feel so awful. I need to be there for my partner who will be in a far away city, lonely and kicking, as I have been from him. We need to stay clear of one another until we're both purged of the demons... HELP

i've kicked many times before and this is the longest i've been clean since the first time i kicked. i still can't sleep, i sweat through my clothes, my legs cramp up constantly- it isn't nearly as bad as the horrible withdrawal symptoms in the beginning. but its more than i can stand. i feel desperate, and if i don't figure out some way to get through this i will use again. i don't want to go back to that, but this is even worse. i'm broke and going to starve if i don't get my shit together, but i feel totally useless right now.

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Comments {3}

Le Femme Invisible

Re: Help

from: maybeimamazed
date: Dec. 16th, 2006 09:33 pm (UTC)
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thank you so much for that...

i've got two things on my side

1- i was a buddhist and (deep down i still am, i just need to let things be) 2- i was a med student before i became a junky- and even though everything you said should be inside my head somewhere, dopesickness makes it hard to retrieve the helpful information. i'm still clean. my doctor thinks i should be on pain meds, so i am on a low-ish dose (compared to my monster dope habit) of usual pain medication now- i have no desire to do h really, i've been sleeping, meditating and the pains are manageable. i think posting in this community will be helpful. again, thank you so much for answering. its helpful to know there are people out there, and for me going to narcotics anonymous meetings only helps me to find dope and start smoking cigarettes again. i quit cigarettes recently too, and have to take a drug test for the job im hoping to get and can't smoke weed right now either. i've never had a problem with stopping any other drug aside from h. for myself, simply not using needles and h counts as clean. even if i thought it were a practical step to self improvement, i don't think stopping everything at once is a good way about it.


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