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Dec. 11th, 2006 | 06:52 am
posted by: maybeimamazed in heroin_support

I've been clean for six weeks and a few days. I'm not on methadone or suboxone or anything like that. I don't know how I managed to get through this far without shooting myself. I have highs and lows, but mostly lows, and the highs are usually somewhat odd and bear benchmarks of neurosis... and since my addiction began with pain meds for a legitimate pain issue, I'm struggling with the question of whether I should try and learn to deal with the pain naturally or try and learn to pace myself. A big part of the issue is that i am broke. I support myself most of the time, and feel very strange receiving help from others, since I haven't slept but 1-3 hours every 2-3 days for the past 6 weeks- i can't function. I'm seriously depressed, having major anxiety most of the time, and this was a heavy, long-lived habit that I'm leaving behind. I could really use some words of advice from someone who has been here. I still feel so awful. I need to be there for my partner who will be in a far away city, lonely and kicking, as I have been from him. We need to stay clear of one another until we're both purged of the demons... HELP

i've kicked many times before and this is the longest i've been clean since the first time i kicked. i still can't sleep, i sweat through my clothes, my legs cramp up constantly- it isn't nearly as bad as the horrible withdrawal symptoms in the beginning. but its more than i can stand. i feel desperate, and if i don't figure out some way to get through this i will use again. i don't want to go back to that, but this is even worse. i'm broke and going to starve if i don't get my shit together, but i feel totally useless right now.

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Melinda_Psychedelia

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from: in_psychedelia_
date: Jun. 1st, 2009 03:41 am (UTC)
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If I didn't have subutex I could never do what you are doing so I definitly give you props and I was only clean for a year without subutex and I got through it because I was in prison and was on paxil which helped with anxiety. but Subutex definitly is keeping me sane and without cravings, its an amazing drug and if you can get on it, i can definitly see it taking away all of these issues. Its my cure-all. helps with depression/anxiety/cravings and makes life worth living.

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